My Life On The Couch

My first contach with theraphy was Speech Theraphy. There is a debate to this date if I needed it. I don’t know it was cool getting payday candy bars with my Mom and riding the el to Northwestern. Or on the front of my brothers bike. That was cool, riding past the boulders that line Sheridan Road. Yeah, I don’t know if they learned anything about me or me them. AGE 7

The first time I was taken to a therapist was after a very short live life in crime. The office was downtown, el rides in the winter. Dr. Vasquez was the pill pusher I saw. He I can say with complete confidence was a crazier than Gay Republican. The patient would sit in a chair across from the good doctor. Behind the patient was a 3X life size painting of the good doctor sitting in the same cross legged fashion. He was one of those theraphists who does not say anything, but the absolute most obvious things. His answer was pills. First generation anti-depressents who me and my buddies figured out during lunch period were alot of fun to take in big quanities. Needless to say he was far less than effective. Not even being on time to due his rounds at the state hospital. People wait for him and he doesn’t show or if he does its so late nobody can talk to them. Sporadically
AGES 7-17

Next therapist was Georgette L. I saw her at Evanston Hospital. She was very very good. When I saw her I was 21, fighting, drinking, and debauchery. I would come into see her after a weekend, usually beat up. Face bruised and bloodied a couple of times. She was the first one I can say who connected me with a term Post Traumatic Stress Symdrone. She would give me journal articles connecting Viet Nam Vets to kids who suffered abuse. The learning has changed and there is a distinction between the two. She was good. AGE 20-21

There was the therapist at Northeastern I saw. He did well as much as he could. I was married and in the begining throws of my divource. He tried to conduct couples counseling, did not go well. My ex blew up and that was it. A bad situation just got worst. Seeing him was memorable because I got Union approval to cross the line for theraphy, the rest of the time I walked the line with the teachers. AGE 36

Than I saw a Gay therapist who worked with me as I got fired, and than when I got fired, I also got fired from his care. Haa haa He did help me think about dating in a way that was differant than I had thought about. He had a little office in the building where my stepfather once lived.

When I recieve theraphy I imagine in some ways I am a great patient. I usually pick up where I left off. I have spent hours on the couch. I can say without a doubt, that I had benifited from this expeiance. As I think about begining again, I have to remember to be open.

My last dance of the night is always reserved for the one I love

No matter the season, summer, deep winter, or spring. No matter how I’m feeling sick, high, or drunk.

The one thing more than anything that has defined our relationship. The dance between a man and his dog. You see

my dog Maggie has to have one last dance every night. She is mix hound, beagle, australian…, and she loves to

run. She will look at me accross the yard, those big hazel eyes. A big fuck you. She looks at me, and she takes

off, like a hell bent Kamikaze pilot. She runs full speed in tight circles when she wants to mess with you. She

runs at one point she will juke you, and run in the other direction. Its all she wants to do. I have developed

paitentce and affection for these moments. but in mid winter I would have not expressed my feelings in such a

manner. I would have sworn 23 times in row. You see I got her around new years, which meant yard training in

the

cold. She does it most nights, when she doesn’t she does this thing where she half steps a run, and she says fuck it, and she comes up to me.

Dance Dance Dance

Dance Dance Dance
up and down
in the sun
base base base
frenzy
sweat
Dance Dance Dance
your body pounded
sand between your toes
base base base
frenzy
sweat
Dance Dance Dance
life
love
free
base base base
no loss
no pain
no age
Dance Dance Dance
family
courage
love
base Base Base
sweat
pounding
release
Dance Dance Dance

The Tiger and The Butterfly

The old tiger sat on his rock like any other day
Today was differant
The Old Tiger saw the most beautiful butterfly
A Butterfly with emerald green and Bright Red and gold wings
The tiger was at first was mesmorized as it floated by
He had never seen anything so beautiful
His heart raced
His whiskers tingled
He had to have it
He got up from his perch
and he lept to where he had last seen it
The butterfly was wise
The Butterfly was not going to let an old tiger catch it
It flew on to a branch
The tiger lost track of the butterfly
The tiger was now panicked
He had to have the butterfly
He couldn’t smell it
Couldn’t see it
The Butterfly looked down at the tiger
Not with contempt but pity
Poor Tiger the Butterfly thought
The butterfly knew that Tigers belonged with Tigers
The butterfly saw the old tiger and saw
what he must have been
A fierce strong beast
Those days had passed
The Tiger never saw the butterfly again
But till the end of its days the Tiger cherished its memory of the most beautiful butterfly it had ever seen

The Fred Perry Murder

Anti-National Translation

From the wonderful web magazine Souciant, by Magadh, Jun 26, 2013

Remembering Clément Méric. Grenoble, June 2013.

The fight, in which Clément Meric died, apparently started over some shirts. An 18-year-old student at Paris’ prestigious Sciences Po, Meric was headed to a clothing shop in the 9th Arrondissement when he encountered a group of skinheads headed to the same store. His killer, Esteban Morillo, is alleged to have been associated with the rightist Jeune Nationaliste Révolutionnaire, the largest organized skinhead group in France.

Clément Meric’s murder is notable for a number of reasons. Although Meric was an openly gay antifascist, his killing contains a number of interesting dimensions. Both he and his assailant were looking to buy Fred Perry clothing, favored by street activists of both the left and the right. More interestingly, the JNR, with which his killer has been linked, represents a peculiarly modern political formation on the far right. They are led…

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Here’s To The Dads!

I have to start any conversation about parenting by saluting the importance of motherhood.   Without mothers fathers wouldnt be able to father.  Motherhood is a tremedously difficult but rewarding job.  Mothers can never get enough respect. 

Having said that I want to talk today about fatherhood.   I can, being a father now for 22 years has given me license to talk about it.   And I want to talk about being a Father as opposed to a sperm donor.   A Father stands up.  Everyman is immature , crazy, and wild before they are Fathers.   Most of us are able to modify our lifestyle for the honor of being a parent.  Some men don’t make a change.   Thier choice.  I had to.   It wasn’t always easy, and I know I messed up a ton.   My son is great evidence that despite sub par Fathering you can turn out a good man.  I have made mistakes, but one thing that never faultered or changed is my love for him.   When I saw his face, it was my first glance into love.  The love that never dies.  He was a monster child.  He came in at 9.3 pounds.  He is to this day a monster.  Haaa haaa  I can look at so many examples of fathers who I respect for putting the work in.   I can look at my Dad who always worked to provide a home for us.  I fortunate to have an oppurtunity to be friends with two dads who have little girls my duaghters age.  Its probably the only fraternity I would be proud of being a part of.  I have seen all three girls personalities continue to grow.  Quite a privaledge.  I also look to my brother who lives in Switzerland with his girl and thier two kids.   You I used to have to recruit from the Child Support Court.  I would have to hire these cats who weren’t paying thier share.  I would talk to them to try to figure out with them what the issue was.   Never did I hear a reason that I thought they shouldn’t take care of thier kids.   Never and at one point I probably talked to a good 60 guys with this issue.   All dads are imperfect, as they are human.   Some people have bigger chalenges on thier journeys.   But how they over come the challenges.  Some dad;s who have issues have a chance to try to resolve some outstanding issues, others don’t.    Fatherhood is a priviledge.   Fatherhood is an ongoing transformative proccess.   Here to the Fathers!

Tieryas Reviews Takeshis’

The Whimsy of Creation: The Blog of Tieryas

takeshis

If you made a movie about your life and you had to fit everything you wanted to say in two hours or less, what would it be like? Would you make it symbolic or a literal recounting of your life? Takeshi Kitano undertakes such a feat in the Takeshis’ and illustrates his two warring sides by having two different Takeshis’ in the movie. One is the successful director/actor who is adored by all, and another is a struggling actor who is eking by, fantasizing about being a gangster and doing whatever he wants.

review_takeshis

The film, loosely inspired by Fellini’s 8 ½, is rife with strange imagery and moments that seem more like an Alice in Wonderland on hyperdrive than the typical Takeshi film. There are still the unnervingly flat (and tranquil) moments with still camera angles punctuated by brutal bursts of action. I spent much of the film waiting for…

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